I went on a "date".

Alex H and I.

Lied about work. Finished the waist band on my skirt for school, messingly. Bought a necklace and average stockings. And wasted ALOT of gas.

No significant thing happened.

We watched a movie instead of the original plan of the flea market. In the beginning it was boring but after this suspenseful part, he finally wrapped his arms around me. It was nice. Then laid his hands on my thigh. But, I would have liked him to stroke my legs. Hope that isn't weird.

But that's basically how romantic we got. Though this is the third "date. I think he assumed it was just us chilling.

We talked alot about college but nothing in particular. Our conversation had basically no meanings..

It wasn't good for a date, but it was perfect for hanging out.

Oh and Nour and I fought again because I canceled plans on her, which I had to be because I was already late.

I'm not caring.

My dad just lectured me till I cried.

I think he implied that I'm disowned. He said in the past five months I've been just out of the family, and practically lost all family connectivity.

One thing about what my parents lecture me on is what I should do. And usually it's things I'm supposed to do right then and there. Like my dad said I don't ever have conversations with him after school and ask if he needs help.

It's now after school. Go talk to him or will it be too awkward? Don't because it may be too soon? Or will that imply I didn't learn anything?

FML.. er.. AFM

I hate math. I hate math. I hate math.

Or just AFM.

So my dad came with my to my school councilor to talk about graduation. Good news: I'm graduating no matter what! Bad news: I need to graduate with a D in AFM and have a good GPA (A A B C in my other five CURRENTLY) to not get my admission to UNCG revoked.

FUCK. I really hate the idea of not going to UNCG fall semester especially since that's all I think about. But clearly not now!

I got a F last quarter and this quarter I currently have a 68. Borderline. And it's not really updated. I just took a test and a good quiz. Therefore inshallah, it should go up. Also, I have to get a D as a final grade. My hope now is get a D this quarter, and score a good grade on my final. Which now I'm scared for. I mean, I took it last year :/ I remember it being exactly like the review packet. I just need to not stress it. And getting the D this quarter should be easy if I focus. I have 2 more tests left. And I have multiple quiz and homework grades.

Inshallah inshallah inshallah, I'll do fine!

Things I Miss

- Countless hours of reading. Not textbooks and review books. But novels. Non fiction. Poems. This summer, I want to read a lot more. But focus on more documentaries, biographies, and classics. Keep the fictional novels though!

- Music. A new album being downloaded each week was the usual for me when now it's hard to reduce my listen to list.

-Outdoors. I miss the park and the fresh air.

-Sketching. I miss the accomplishment and pride feeling as well as the smell of lead and burnt erasers.

- Beading. I miss the lively designs.

- Voluntary learning. Especially with the skills I know now from my experiences!

Basically, I miss my old hobbies forced to be put on hold due to school. I love school but it deprives me of my life. Sometimes.


I can't wait till summer.

How to be an OCD nutritionalist.

So for my 7 day psych project, that's exactly what I'll be doing! I was originally gonna do blue contacts..

Anyways, here are the basic components:
- Consume calories, and the days total intake has to begin in a number divisible by 3. (300, 600, 900, 1200.. Etc)
- My days out take has to be 1/3 of my intake. (ex. Intake is 600, burn 200).
- Must eat a total of a number divisible by 3. (3 meals or 6 meals.. Or 9).

This way, I can diet and lose WHILST getting credit :)

I had to be careful not to draw attention to eating disorders (which I almost did) because it my reveal mines.

I'm starting tomorrow. Plus this week being chaotic, I'll see how I manage!

Happy 18.

This is no sarcasm nor enthusiastic post.

Today I realized something really important.

I'm a genuine person. I'm not bad. I'm nice. I'm not perfect, but I am as good as I can try to be. Im a really good friend to people. I'm there for them always and constantly put them ahead of me. So, how come some people treat me like shit?

Now today isn't "show how much you love Yasmin" day. It's just a day I was born 19 years ago. Nevertheless it's my 18th which is a big deal to some people. I enjoyed reading people who commented on my wall wishing me a lovely birthday and some who went above and beyond and left a comment because it's meaning that makes me happy. Quality>quaintly.

Some of my "good" friends didn't even say happy birthday, or I subliminal reminded them.

Family wise, my dad got me a $25 gift card to Target, which he picked up when he got my brother's teachers gift cards for Teacher Appreciation day. It says "Thank You" instead of at least "Happy Birthday". There's no optimistic view on it, so fuck you. I'm glad I was only good enough to be an afterthought. As awkward as our relationship already is, thanks for adding disappointment.

My sisters were genuine and nice as usual, and my mom was amazing alhamudillah as usual. I made her a bati (kaftan) for mothers day (today) and she loved it. She's not into birthdays like my dad but she's amazing enough to remind me and joke that I'm gonna be 18 soon. I love her.

Others who I wished said something: Aunt Maryan, Casey, Alex H.,

Others who made me smile: Zach, Mario, Ahmed, Laney, Olivia

And more definitely.

Then there is Nour. I genuinely don't think she realizes this but I don't think she cares for me. As in this Friday, she's planning to hang out. As in me pick her up, take her to the mall or so and I choose a iPod cover, then take her to Mario's house so she can take her sexual frustration out. Then I drive her home. Meanwhile I have to find something else to do while she is with Mario.
That's what I mean. How dare does she think she can get away with that, and think she spent quality time with me on my birthday? She called me this morning and left me a voicemail. Then again but she hung up when she was about to start talking about her fights with Mario, but I quickly paused her cause my sisters wanted to show me something. When I returned I begged her to continue but she refused. Fine, fuck it. If you think I'm insensitive and don't care about your life, that's you. I'm your best friend and I'm always here for you regardless of the time and date. However if you want to act paranoid and insecure, you're goig to make yourself miserable and this time, I'm honestly not gonna help you through it. You won't even try to put an effort to go above and beyond so why should I continue playing the same games? Fuck you.

Random. Alex texted me saying happy birthday, and after I told him I thought he forgot, he said he wanted to be the last. Haha, bullshit.

Lesson learned today: 1) Some people see you in higher worth than you think, while you think some are worth more than they really are. 2) Not everyone says happy birthday on your wall. 3) Some don't even say happy birthday. 4) Treat your birthday as another day and carry no expectations and everything will be blissful!

This was a depressing/epiphanic birthday. I did cry through most of this.

IM DONE WITH MY GRAD DRESS!!

It's soooooooooo beautiful!!

Need to let this out.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKJKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
Bitches suck.
Whores suck.
Boys suck.
Friends sucks.
Long distance sucks.
Not letting go sucks.
Schools sucks.
Priority options suck.
Priority voices sucks.
Late night cram sessions suck.
Grammar sucks.
Attachment sucks.
Not fully being able to express yourself sucks.
Countdowns sucks.
Time sucks.

Sad part is I could go for days yet I gave a AP Human Geo test to study for.