Today I realized something really important.
I'm a genuine person. I'm not bad. I'm nice. I'm not perfect, but I am as good as I can try to be. Im a really good friend to people. I'm there for them always and constantly put them ahead of me. So, how come some people treat me like shit?
Now today isn't "show how much you love Yasmin" day. It's just a day I was born 19 years ago. Nevertheless it's my 18th which is a big deal to some people. I enjoyed reading people who commented on my wall wishing me a lovely birthday and some who went above and beyond and left a comment because it's meaning that makes me happy. Quality>quaintly.
Some of my "good" friends didn't even say happy birthday, or I subliminal reminded them.
Family wise, my dad got me a $25 gift card to Target, which he picked up when he got my brother's teachers gift cards for Teacher Appreciation day. It says "Thank You" instead of at least "Happy Birthday". There's no optimistic view on it, so fuck you. I'm glad I was only good enough to be an afterthought. As awkward as our relationship already is, thanks for adding disappointment.
My sisters were genuine and nice as usual, and my mom was amazing alhamudillah as usual. I made her a bati (kaftan) for mothers day (today) and she loved it. She's not into birthdays like my dad but she's amazing enough to remind me and joke that I'm gonna be 18 soon. I love her.
Others who I wished said something: Aunt Maryan, Casey, Alex H.,
Others who made me smile: Zach, Mario, Ahmed, Laney, Olivia
And more definitely.
Then there is Nour. I genuinely don't think she realizes this but I don't think she cares for me. As in this Friday, she's planning to hang out. As in me pick her up, take her to the mall or so and I choose a iPod cover, then take her to Mario's house so she can take her sexual frustration out. Then I drive her home. Meanwhile I have to find something else to do while she is with Mario.
That's what I mean. How dare does she think she can get away with that, and think she spent quality time with me on my birthday? She called me this morning and left me a voicemail. Then again but she hung up when she was about to start talking about her fights with Mario, but I quickly paused her cause my sisters wanted to show me something. When I returned I begged her to continue but she refused. Fine, fuck it. If you think I'm insensitive and don't care about your life, that's you. I'm your best friend and I'm always here for you regardless of the time and date. However if you want to act paranoid and insecure, you're goig to make yourself miserable and this time, I'm honestly not gonna help you through it. You won't even try to put an effort to go above and beyond so why should I continue playing the same games? Fuck you.
Random. Alex texted me saying happy birthday, and after I told him I thought he forgot, he said he wanted to be the last. Haha, bullshit.
Lesson learned today: 1) Some people see you in higher worth than you think, while you think some are worth more than they really are. 2) Not everyone says happy birthday on your wall. 3) Some don't even say happy birthday. 4) Treat your birthday as another day and carry no expectations and everything will be blissful!
This was a depressing/epiphanic birthday. I did cry through most of this.