Saturday, August 20, 2011

I'm crying.

Today is my third night in college.

I honestly am not completely in love with it but I'm no way in hell hating it. I'm lingering in the middle.

The great things about it is the freedom, which in all honesty I think will hit later on, the friends which I made a really close group and tons more. List wise:

1. Freedom
So I can wake up whenever, sleep whenever, roam whenever, blast music whenever, go out whenever.. basically do anything whenever. At first its like YES, I'm in control! But coming from a disciplined home, I start to realize how good rules are. Like, the ground me and mold me into proper control. I use the time I'm confined at home to read and study, to look up things, and come up with cool things. My creativity. Even though the days are young, it's like I have to make sure I still discipline myself.
Like clothes wise, I don't cover my arms as much as I used to and I'm not that self conscious of it. I don't care. I still refuse to wear shorts or skirts.  As far as visitation, I just jump from event to event. It's ridiculous. I love though that I still use my mind and I have a lot of great descisons for my own sanity. Right now, I'm missing an epic Midnight Tag game. I'm sure it's amazing, but I just went to the Party Like A Rawkstar and it was lamer than it turned out to really be. So I'm sure there will be a million events that can go ignored since there will be epic ones later on.. after all, this isn't high school!

2. Friends
So I have a close knit it seems of friends: Lynh, Laura, Alex, JP, Josh, Ben, Lizzie, and Dylan on occasion.
And it came to be so thanks to knowing Lynh, who dorms with Laura (her best friend), which is long time best friends with Alex (who is gay but looks and talks straight), who I introduced them to JP, and they introduced me to Josh, and Ben who we all meant through the Facebook UNCG group, which brings me to Lizzie who is the girlfriend of Laura (LESBIANS!!), and went to school with Dylan. I love this group thanks to many similar tastes in things, and many hilarious moments! At first it was awkward because I didn't know everyone as well as they knew each other, but we started to all get on the same page and do daily activities with each other! In three days, it's absolutely stunning how close we've become. We laugh hilariously and I feel good with these people. In detail: Lynh, me and her have so much in common! I love her music, clothes, and super blunt habits! She sometimes can steal the limelight but it's always memorable and funny. Guys love her and she is kinda scared to commit it seems? Laura is absolutely AMAZING. She's so sweet and at first she gave me the impression of a total geek but she has AMAZING style and SUPERCOOL talent! She's my photography buddy! Alex, I have a crush on him in the most non-romantic way. He's just super sweet and his gay sexuality makes everything stress free around him because there is no pressure to be a lady or be cute or anything. It's just a guy that I can just be completely normal with. But unlike gay guys like Ben, I can't take off my shirt without feeling awkward around Alex cause he acts straight. Ben, is this awesome guy with so much personality and opinions on more intellectual stuff, it is pretty awesome. He's sooo funny and cool to be with. He is one of those gay guys that you question his sexuailty but once he says "HELLO BITCHES".. you know he is! But he's absolutely cool as ice! JP I met at SOAR and I'm sure he has a crush on Lynh and just told me he likes another girl, but he I believe will be that guy I will always be just comfortable with and be that one guy that never changes through all the guys I met and fade away from! Josh, simply adorable guy! Just soooo amazing. He's hilarious too! I don't know him well enough yet but I'm planning on it :) Lizzie is straight up cool! She's a cool cat! She reminds me of the girl that I know, who is also a lesbian with the short hair and acted like a guy but everyone loved her. Laura is absolutely lucky to have her as a girlfriend, and vice versa! BTW THEY KISSED INFRONT OF ME (upon request) AND CORRUPTED ME! Dylan is funny and always perverted, but when we watched Marble Hornet, a scary youtube video series, he was SUPER OBSERVANT! It was amazing! He noticed small things  no one else does! He should work for the FBI  or something!
As much as I love this group to death, I'm not used to always hanging out with friends consistently, so I'm always worried if I'm invading their privacy or if they're sick of me yet. So I'm trying to hang out with them separately or collectively to get to know them better, and spending time with out people out of the group so they could forget me for a bit. In a good way haha.

3. Knowing myself.
I always knew this. I always come last. How so? In conversation, I always talk to the person about themselves and ask how is everything. I always indulge in their life. But when it comes to me, I'm super hesitant. Last night I was sorta depressed, well more like bummed, so I went to Lynh's dorm and acted like bummed out and they paid attention for a bit. It sucked that I actually had to try. I lied about the story of how depressed some girl I cared for was and how I couldn't help. I just wanted to be comforted a reason I didn't want to tell them. Today I called Nour to ask about how things like Maher and Meredith was going, and she did tell me, after basically telling me I usually don't give a shit about Maher and her's stories and making me want to cry, then peacing out before telling her how I'm doing or how all the above has happened. I just flat out said goodbye and then she messaged me telling me sorry and she didn't want to talk about it while she was in this state and blah blah blah. I didn't care. I honestly, didn't give a fuck. I was basically going to tell her everything, how I haven't fasted, how I haven't been thinking much, everything. The good and bads. She didn't want to know. I sat through the whole Maher breakup thing, gave her advice, then she left me. I cried. I legit just logged off and cried. Then she tried calling me back after sensing what happened and I declined both and said I just needed a lot of time to talk and I had something planned at 6am.. I don't. I do need the time part, but the event at six was a fluke. Basically it proved to me how much I can drop my emotions and needs to listen to someone else in need, but yet again, I'm always stranded with my problems. I don't have anything or anyone yet to sit and ask me as if I'm being interviewed and say, "Wait, why?". Most people just nod and smile or give me sympathy. Thinking about it, I'm starting to realize it's becoming more of a thing I just accept. Like know one gives a fuck, so I move on. I bottle my emotions, I bottle my stress, my anger.. then let it out in the dark. No one suspects, and thinks I'm absolutely fine with no temper or stress issues. Well, I'm not.

4. Family
I miss them. Since it's only been three days, there isn't much to say yet, but I do call and I talk to everyone. Iman and Faiza send me pictures and videos and stories and it's quite heart breaking. I'm just glad I can see them this weekend! I missed Aunt Maryan and AbdulBuwe visiting with Rayan :(

That's basically all for now. It's rough and smooth at the same time.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Where have I been?!

Oh yeah, lazying around.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

High metabolism? Low? Bipolar?

Sometimes I don't watch what I eat. I'll have two bowls of ice cream, a slice of pizza, and a bowl of cereal in the first two hours I'm awake. These times, I don't care if I will gain or if I will get sick. I just eat mindlessly.

And then other times I'm petrified. What if I do gain?! What if I do lose all this muscle and become flabby?!

I honestly can't tell how high my metabolism is. But I have noticed this: As much as I eat (which has increased to a lot), I won't gain immediately. However, every day, I slowly gain something. I can maybe a loss, of muscle. I gain maybe an ounce of fat. Maybe I just gain lower motivation.

And there is no denying, you are always as confident as you look. As in whatever you see best. In my personal view, it's being healthy (apple > French vanilla ice cream), taking care of your body (exercise), and presenting yourself properly (clean clothes). The best times of my life, I was very close to these attributes. Right now, I'm not.

So I'm gonna pick back up on working out, and eating healthy. I'm okay with my body now, but I won't be later if I continue this summer lag.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I have a fucking fever, and swollen lymph nodes.

Neck is sore.

Body is hot.

Air conditioner (or is it just me?) is on cold.

I'm sleepy.

Head is throbbing.

Swallowing hurts.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Summer 2011 Reading List

The Love Letter Cathleen Schine 7/10

This book had a captivating start, slow middle, and a suspenseful last chapters. I was forcing myself to get through the book but I couldn't tear myself away from finding out what happens in the end. I loved all the charm each character had, how Helen had thought behind her actions thus allowing me to understand her motives, and the youth of Johnny. Emily was sweet, though not a huge character, and Lilian and Elenor (her mother and Grandmother) was dull and irrelevant till the last chapters. I recommended this book because you learn a few things about curiosities of love without age, and love of poetry.

The wording and grammar style bothered me till I got immuned to it in the middle. I admit, I skipped a few pages and just skimmed it because it was totally irrelevant.

The love and passion between Johnny and Helen was so raw and pure. He was completely engulfed in her and as much as Helen tried to deny it, she fell deep for him. The aggression, the passion, and the vulgarity was pretty intense. Overall, I'm glad I read it, and I will probably ponder it for a while.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Workout Plan

It's been ten days since I graduated and I still have not done one ab crunch or a single jog. When will I start?

I think I'll plan my week now.

Today: Guest and movie with my family tonight.
Tuesday: Work in the evening
Wednesday: Nothing
Thrusday: Nothing
Friday: Work in the evening
Saturday: Work in the evening

Okay, so here's the options:
- Ab workout
- treadmill
- leg lifts
- belly dancing
- weights

So heres the workout plan for this week:

Today: end the night with ab and leg workouts
Tuesday: Morning treadmill fast walk 3 miles
Wednesday: treadmill run/walk 100 mins
Thrusday: weights and ab workouts
Friday: Morning jog treadmill 3 miles
Saturday: Morning jog treadmill 3 miles

Anddddd break!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Post Graduation

I achieved it!! I felt it! I was... moved!

I got that shiny piece of paper declaring my end of high school. It was magical. So here's the timeline of it all:

9:25am: decide to get out of bed

9:45am: Sulayman comes to my door, though I was texting his sister about ride arrangements, and asked me in his loud manly voice if I wanted to ride with him. Excuse, my dad is upstairs. I was gonna go with my family (and Nour) around 1:30pm and have then enjoy waiting an hour and a half. But after I explained this to my parents, they decided to let me go with him.

11am: Nour finally arrives. I taught her how to walk in heels! She ended up hating them afterwards though. And she started to get ready about an hour before me! I'm just sitting there on twitter and she's panicking over her nails!

12:30pm: Nour gets a call from her mom saying how she has a book fine. Minutes of echoing screams in Arabic, she got this situation fixed. You see, we don't get our diplomas if we have a book fine. Well this fine wasn't supposed to be for a book since she turned hers in, but rather a calculator. Problem: fixed!

1:30pm: As agreed, I left to meet Sulayman at his house, and get a ride. So I got my dad to drive me 10 seconds there (excuse me, swear and heels? No.). Well, he's not even home. So I'm sitting in Aisha's room watching her get ready, when he comes around 1:40pm. Okay, no problem, but he decided to shave... wearing his white shirt. Blood. On the shirt. Panicky mom. Mind you we have to be there by 2, and guess when we left? 2. As we left, he said we'd be there by 2:20, he promised. As we passed my house, I saw my family entering the car -_- On top of that, he's a crazy driver! Stickshift, at 80 mph average. We almost crashed too, lovely. Finally we pulled into the parking lot and parked at.. 2:20pm exactly.

3pm: After finally finding my place and calming down, we started! It was beautiful. The anthem was done beautiful! The speeches didn't even fail to have the funny personalities we usual have. Thilman (principal) even added to add the staff now on twitter! Kylie introduced Safiyah (valedictorian) and she was crying by the end! Safiyah's speech also was the most amazing. She quoted "Fireworks" by Katy Perry, and talked about how people don't get her name right. But all in all, inspirational! Then, we walked the stage. It was nerve racking. Remember that "Don't clap till the end" rule? Yea, after 1/4 of the class got their diplomas, the rule was instantly dropped! Thank god I'm the first ten! My name was pronounced it's correct way, part of my mission to go by it more! And walking off, I almost tripped. Classy. Dad and Iman both have a video.

4:30pm: I got my diploma, and took a lot of pictures. Dad hugged me hard, quite emotional. MY MOM SAID HI TO MARIO! Yea, Nour did not really tell him she was coming. I met his mom, so pretty! Dad turned around and patted his chest before saying congrats with a handshake and Mario looked so scared (I was told). I'm not surprised, he's afraid of my dad! My family also met Yodit! MARCELL HUGGED ME IN FRONT OF MY DAD! Yea, please, don't ever do that! We left and Nour got to stay the whole ceremony, and her dad picked her up at the parking lot. Which sucked because of the backed up cars.

6pm: GOLDEN CORRAL! It was delicious. I had 4 plates. And I ran into kenyan Philip too!

9pm: Couldn't breathe or move due to the excessive food intake. Purge.

10pm: Arabic! I've improved!

All in all, FANTASTIC day! I got a phone call from Aunt Katro as well! I don't need presents and overwhelming glory. I'm glad I achieved what I got today. And with that, good night!

Pre Graduation

I graduate in about 14 hours.

Tommorow shall be a little hectic. Nour is suppose to arrive at 10:30am, then around 1pm I would like us all to leave for the Raleigh Convention Center, and we walk at 3pm, Nour leaves by 5, and my fam goes out to dinner. :)

I had this original plan to have Nour over at 9ish, go to my whole graduation, dinner after, then go back to her house to sleep over and attend her graduation that night.

But she decided to pick up another shift.

So now the plan is for her to be here at 10:30am, get to the center around 1pm, and she leaves early around 5 to get to work at 5:30. No sleepover. I get to her house around 4, her full grad starts at 6, leave around 8 or 9.

The original plan seemed so sweet and prefect way for best friends to end their graduations together but mistakenly I forgot, graduation is not Nours thing.

I've been feeling so unenthusiastic about graduation because of 1) I'm not into my highschool since I transferred midway, 2) I am the first to graduate k-12 then university right after in my family in the States, and 3) I'm not expecting anything big. Most kids get cars or new smart phones. I bet a gift card or that party in two weeks will be my present. My aunt is supposed to get me a laptop but I think she can't now that she's marrying David and has to cut things tight with her weren't budget.

Therefore, as big as I would like my graduation to be, it might not.

So after talking on the phone to 4 people this is what I learned:

Nour: graduation shouldn't be all that big of a deal. You're done with school, that feeling came and left on your last day of school. This is redundant.

Alex: Recollect memories and you'll realize how much you've grown and experienced thereby making graduation a little bit more heartfelt.

Ibrahim: I need to say screw it to graduation and hook up with him before he leaves. He likes my lips and boobs > my personality and mind. I'm glad I don't have to see him for forty days.

Ahmed: Crazy guy who lives far far away and surprisingly remembers my graduation was tomorrow. How sweet!

I think I'll leave the rest of my emotions to flow in their way..


I found out last week, guess I'm late in reporting but...

I PASSSED AFM!!!!!!!!!!

Yes yes, with a D. My exam I though I "did so well" in, yea I got a 60%!! Fuck me over!

But it's okay because that meant I got a 69.8% final grade, rounded to a 70% making it.. A D!!!

Uncg, I'm on my way!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Today I had a hookup.

This is not for bragging purposes or such. Just documenting to remember 20 years from now.
Could result in a weak stomach.

Today I had a date/hookup with Ibrahim. He's a soccer player with a nice body, but he's also very smart!

Anyways, almost 8 mos of on and off flirting we decided to hookup and today it happened! He took me to yopop, a Chinese frozen yogurt Place similar to Pink near my house, I drove. And paid for myself.

Then back to my car to mess around. Details written down make me feel awkward but basically he's aggressive, persistent, fast, and his pen0r could rip me in half. However I did make him cum with out taking my clothes off. That's a personal achievement.

Then he had the decency to wall post a very beautiful girl he met once while he was with me asking to hang out soon. Please, you're still horny aren't you?

He constantly complains about how some girls think he's a player. I'm just like


But I went to Nours house after and watched Arab stand up comedy. That was hilarious!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Summer Goals!

Dear summer '11: let the games begin!

- Master the art of Somali language
- Master beginning Arabic up to basic conversation
- Learn basic Swahili words and phrases
- Sew clothes for college (It's own post later)
- Read 15 novels including ones already started
- Master making friendship bracelets
- 6 master piece
- Plan college shopping list
- Finish up to Book 10 of Hadiths
- Finish up to 2 Juz in Quran Tafseer
- Blog more
- Save up enough for Canon Rebel XS

And more :)

Last Day of High School

Today was my last day of stepping foot on Cary High property for the sake of being called a student!

I had a math exam today. Here's the story behind math right now. I made an F last quarter(68.3%) and a D this quarter (76%). On the exam I had to get atleast a 70% if I calculated correctly to pass the class. Why is passing the class so important? It's my last credit I need to go to UNCG! Also, even if it wasn't, it would help to not get my acceptance letter revoked!

My exam went really well I believe. I knew most of the formulas and stuff so it was cool until the end when I realized I just looked over the last units rather than the intense I did the rest. So I skipped two and winged it. I want to say I may have gotten a 80% but I'm gonna just go for passing!

Then I got an approval to not come to the Monday exam review for an exam I'm not taking. So I am never stepping foot on Cary as a student!

Then finished off with yearbook signing and cheezeits with frosting :)

I really hope I pass. I've worked hard and HE EVEN COMPLIMENTED ME FOR IMPROVEMENT! Hopefully he isn't so anal.

I find out tomorrow afternoon :x

Sunday, May 22, 2011

I went on a "date".

Alex H and I.

Lied about work. Finished the waist band on my skirt for school, messingly. Bought a necklace and average stockings. And wasted ALOT of gas.

No significant thing happened.

We watched a movie instead of the original plan of the flea market. In the beginning it was boring but after this suspenseful part, he finally wrapped his arms around me. It was nice. Then laid his hands on my thigh. But, I would have liked him to stroke my legs. Hope that isn't weird.

But that's basically how romantic we got. Though this is the third "date. I think he assumed it was just us chilling.

We talked alot about college but nothing in particular. Our conversation had basically no meanings..

It wasn't good for a date, but it was perfect for hanging out.

Oh and Nour and I fought again because I canceled plans on her, which I had to be because I was already late.

I'm not caring.

Friday, May 13, 2011

My dad just lectured me till I cried.

I think he implied that I'm disowned. He said in the past five months I've been just out of the family, and practically lost all family connectivity.

One thing about what my parents lecture me on is what I should do. And usually it's things I'm supposed to do right then and there. Like my dad said I don't ever have conversations with him after school and ask if he needs help.

It's now after school. Go talk to him or will it be too awkward? Don't because it may be too soon? Or will that imply I didn't learn anything?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

FML.. er.. AFM

I hate math. I hate math. I hate math.

Or just AFM.

So my dad came with my to my school councilor to talk about graduation. Good news: I'm graduating no matter what! Bad news: I need to graduate with a D in AFM and have a good GPA (A A B C in my other five CURRENTLY) to not get my admission to UNCG revoked.

FUCK. I really hate the idea of not going to UNCG fall semester especially since that's all I think about. But clearly not now!

I got a F last quarter and this quarter I currently have a 68. Borderline. And it's not really updated. I just took a test and a good quiz. Therefore inshallah, it should go up. Also, I have to get a D as a final grade. My hope now is get a D this quarter, and score a good grade on my final. Which now I'm scared for. I mean, I took it last year :/ I remember it being exactly like the review packet. I just need to not stress it. And getting the D this quarter should be easy if I focus. I have 2 more tests left. And I have multiple quiz and homework grades.

Inshallah inshallah inshallah, I'll do fine!

Things I Miss

- Countless hours of reading. Not textbooks and review books. But novels. Non fiction. Poems. This summer, I want to read a lot more. But focus on more documentaries, biographies, and classics. Keep the fictional novels though!

- Music. A new album being downloaded each week was the usual for me when now it's hard to reduce my listen to list.

-Outdoors. I miss the park and the fresh air.

-Sketching. I miss the accomplishment and pride feeling as well as the smell of lead and burnt erasers.

- Beading. I miss the lively designs.

- Voluntary learning. Especially with the skills I know now from my experiences!

Basically, I miss my old hobbies forced to be put on hold due to school. I love school but it deprives me of my life. Sometimes.

I can't wait till summer.

How to be an OCD nutritionalist.

So for my 7 day psych project, that's exactly what I'll be doing! I was originally gonna do blue contacts..

Anyways, here are the basic components:
- Consume calories, and the days total intake has to begin in a number divisible by 3. (300, 600, 900, 1200.. Etc)
- My days out take has to be 1/3 of my intake. (ex. Intake is 600, burn 200).
- Must eat a total of a number divisible by 3. (3 meals or 6 meals.. Or 9).

This way, I can diet and lose WHILST getting credit :)

I had to be careful not to draw attention to eating disorders (which I almost did) because it my reveal mines.

I'm starting tomorrow. Plus this week being chaotic, I'll see how I manage!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy 18.

This is no sarcasm nor enthusiastic post.

Today I realized something really important.

I'm a genuine person. I'm not bad. I'm nice. I'm not perfect, but I am as good as I can try to be. Im a really good friend to people. I'm there for them always and constantly put them ahead of me. So, how come some people treat me like shit?

Now today isn't "show how much you love Yasmin" day. It's just a day I was born 19 years ago. Nevertheless it's my 18th which is a big deal to some people. I enjoyed reading people who commented on my wall wishing me a lovely birthday and some who went above and beyond and left a comment because it's meaning that makes me happy. Quality>quaintly.

Some of my "good" friends didn't even say happy birthday, or I subliminal reminded them.

Family wise, my dad got me a $25 gift card to Target, which he picked up when he got my brother's teachers gift cards for Teacher Appreciation day. It says "Thank You" instead of at least "Happy Birthday". There's no optimistic view on it, so fuck you. I'm glad I was only good enough to be an afterthought. As awkward as our relationship already is, thanks for adding disappointment.

My sisters were genuine and nice as usual, and my mom was amazing alhamudillah as usual. I made her a bati (kaftan) for mothers day (today) and she loved it. She's not into birthdays like my dad but she's amazing enough to remind me and joke that I'm gonna be 18 soon. I love her.

Others who I wished said something: Aunt Maryan, Casey, Alex H.,

Others who made me smile: Zach, Mario, Ahmed, Laney, Olivia

And more definitely.

Then there is Nour. I genuinely don't think she realizes this but I don't think she cares for me. As in this Friday, she's planning to hang out. As in me pick her up, take her to the mall or so and I choose a iPod cover, then take her to Mario's house so she can take her sexual frustration out. Then I drive her home. Meanwhile I have to find something else to do while she is with Mario.
That's what I mean. How dare does she think she can get away with that, and think she spent quality time with me on my birthday? She called me this morning and left me a voicemail. Then again but she hung up when she was about to start talking about her fights with Mario, but I quickly paused her cause my sisters wanted to show me something. When I returned I begged her to continue but she refused. Fine, fuck it. If you think I'm insensitive and don't care about your life, that's you. I'm your best friend and I'm always here for you regardless of the time and date. However if you want to act paranoid and insecure, you're goig to make yourself miserable and this time, I'm honestly not gonna help you through it. You won't even try to put an effort to go above and beyond so why should I continue playing the same games? Fuck you.

Random. Alex texted me saying happy birthday, and after I told him I thought he forgot, he said he wanted to be the last. Haha, bullshit.

Lesson learned today: 1) Some people see you in higher worth than you think, while you think some are worth more than they really are. 2) Not everyone says happy birthday on your wall. 3) Some don't even say happy birthday. 4) Treat your birthday as another day and carry no expectations and everything will be blissful!

This was a depressing/epiphanic birthday. I did cry through most of this.

Friday, May 6, 2011


It's soooooooooo beautiful!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Need to let this out.

Bitches suck.
Whores suck.
Boys suck.
Friends sucks.
Long distance sucks.
Not letting go sucks.
Schools sucks.
Priority options suck.
Priority voices sucks.
Late night cram sessions suck.
Grammar sucks.
Attachment sucks.
Not fully being able to express yourself sucks.
Countdowns sucks.
Time sucks.

Sad part is I could go for days yet I gave a AP Human Geo test to study for.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I have a fear of bothering people.

Friday, April 22, 2011

On the upside...

I'm addicted to tumblr more than ever!


I'm crawling back to starvation.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


I don't understand why boys insist on telling girls... about other girls?

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I cannot believe it.

So everyone has discovered tumblr and twitter. Not cool.

So I'm forced to decide to join the movement or keep quiet. So here's a pro/con list.

- Recognition for what I do on the low down
- Connection with people on another level.
- Reveal myself to others

- Too much information is bad so alot of restricting to what I say.
- I don't want EVERYONE to see what I say what I think everyday.
- My privacy
- I already have em.

Soooooooo I think what'll do is this.

1. Genocide my facebook friends list
2. Genocide my twitter followers on my ED twitter
3. Make a new public twitter. Separate from my ED one
4. Look at tumblr settings to see if followers can see who I'm following. Otherwise, if not, make a new one.
5. Blogger shall remain the same foreverrrrr.

I think my public twitter will be a fail. It's like a bajillion facebook statuses. And I'm not that interesting.

However I think my public tumblr might! Just cause I already know how tumblr works ;)

Whatever happens, it's over the summer! My twitter/facebook/tumblr/blogger will be college oriented meaning followers will mostly be who I meet then.

Think about it this way. When you first meet someone and you're getting to know them, you base it off of all the information given to you. Facebook stalking, mutual friends, things they tell you, etc. 4 or 5 months later, them telling you about their weblogs with their deep thoughts or not, can be very weird and like "woah, you thought that?". So by making and establishing one before they make permanent judgements against you, seeing (and hopefully liking them) these blogs can even make the friendship stronger just because of what they know you think. Resulting in ...


Car accident

I survived it. Alhamduillah.

I was on my way to work and it was raining like a mother fucker. So bad I couldn't see even with the wipers on full blast. So, I decided to turn right into a neighborhood but I didn't turn well enough so I landed in someones yard in front of some trees, with a slight ditch. So of course on first instinct,

I panicked then cried.

Then after 10 mins, I called my mom, forced her to hand the phone to my dad who can keep his composure, and he came to help me.

Then he told me to drive to work after I was back on the road. What? I still couldn't see! But halfway there it was shining. There was a power outage at work so they let me go, so now I'm home safe and sou d alhamduillah.

My mom fears a post stress traumatic disorder of thunderstorms and driving.

I'm just glad I'm safe.

Friday, April 8, 2011


At a hair salon getting my hair diddddd. Lol I'm sitting under the dryer reading les miserables. I had to go 3 days without a straightener AFTER washing it.. -_-

But I pulled through and now getting it relaxed and I'll get it relaxed again in June for graduation and august for college :)


Yesterday I finally did my housing application. At first, I wanted to dorm in Cone because it has the most freshman and I could meet more people. But I did my intensive research and looked into those "special communities" and it made so much sense!

Grogan is the one with 100% special communities like the nursing profession, making music, creative and program, yada yada. Basically this is where all the motivated and ambitious people go.

Reynolds has half and half. So it's pretty decent. And decent group of people.

Cone has only one, but that serves only 25 people out of 330, which I suspect is a group of undecided majors or rejects. And cool people. I guess. Diverse!

So I applied to the nursing one at Grogan which inshallah I'll get! That or the exploratory and health prof.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

My dad

Installed a family locator thing on his phone to track where I am at all times.


He told me Monday when we were at UNCG but I thought it was more of a joke. Now, in the middle of my apparel class, I get a text from Sprint telling me my dad stalks me.

It's one thing that I lie and tell him I'm somewhere else, buts another that I seriously thought he trusted me and now that I'm off to college I'd expect more freedom and trust. But we just landed back on square one, if not further back.

Not to mention last night obtained to Ahmed from 2 to 4am last night. So I'm beyond sleep deprived and ugly as shit. Then I found out that I'm missing work for a teacher stresses me out more, but the addition of my dad is making this all 10x worse.

I'm gonna talk to my mom and she was she says. Else I'm left with the option to either stop taking my phone with me everywhere or get my own. I don't know at this point. All I know is that I need to stop crying and sniffing in this class.

Monday, March 28, 2011

College Visitation!!!!! Part 2


Ah, the buildings, the people everything! So lemme go into detail.

First thing, a lady talked about basics and such. Then three current students divided the groups based on majors we choose. I was put into the science majors. My tour guy, Adam, was hot! Frat dude and amazing.

So apparently UNC-G never tears down a building. Only renovate. So the buildings are all old fashioned and historic looking, but renovated to look more modern and have amazing formats. Their library is NINE STORIES TALL! Can someone spell heaven for me??
There is the EUC building that has most cultural and such rooms for conference and meetings.

So I figured out the hunch about why UNCG is predominantly female. It was originally an all girls school! In the thirties think, it became coed.
Mist of the people I saw were white or black. They all looked amazingly interesting though! Their was a protest looking group with orange bands around their arms, I don't know, there were black hot dudes, white hot dudes, fashion looking girls, etc. There was even this blond Afro dude! People were bundled up so no say on major fashion styles besides the numerous UNCG wear.

So I'm gonna major in Nursing for sure. Or public health. I think it's nursing but I'm taking Public Health classes first two years haha. The major has a 100% job placement rate afterwards!



As excited as I don't look right now, I am!

Today, my parents and I are visiting UNC-G! I'm 90% already going there anyways so I'm gonna take careful notes.

Shit I didn't print the things to ask list I wanted to ask. But no fear, this Saturday, there is an orientation for admitted students and things they need to know for college.

Things I'm curious about right now:
-Strength of the medicine program
-Roommate assignment
-Classes and times
-Honor classes
-online classes

My ideal schedule is about 6 or 7 classes a week. Why? I like school. Hate.
Anyways. An 8am class is perfectly fine. Considering if I have a 9 or 10am class after, and if I have time to stop by to switch loads of books or not. Then I would like to seduce my classes all in-between 8am to 3pm. I am not a fan of a night class. If I must, I'm okay with it, but just like high school, I'd rather complete it all at once. I can fit in 8 one hour classes in there, so my ideal schedule fits.
I would typically like (if I had 6 classes) for 4 of then to be core (math, English, a science, maybe two?) and the other two to be an elective (ballet, piano) haha.

I already know this:
I want to do piano asap. Vocal music can wait till second semester.
Not doing bio and chem in the same semester.
Try to find honor classes if I can. English probably.
Art classes for sure

I don't know how many I should do? I mean yea, let the first semester sink in and let things get settled, so maybe one or two? MSA definitely.

Sports ever in college? Hahahahahahha. No. Too intimidating. Maybe a club or find some friends who play womens lacrosse.

One thing I want to get good at is networking. Enough said.

Now, I'm gonna study for my psych test tmw, update later!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Fatass. Fatass. Fatass.

I want my self control back. I want my crazy calorie counting back: I want my professional nutrition mind back.

I want my binge terror nights, and my hunger highness back. I want my pornography pictures of models staring right back at me subliminally telling me I'm almost there.

I want my hours of daydreams, of the new me. The person I've created to live out how I'd become when I get to my goals, pushing me and motivating me to be like my alter ego.

I want my resistance back. My pages of lies, secrets, and sneaks back.

I want my days of walking down the hall, 3lbs lighter but feeling 10 levels higher. I want my morning filled with hipbone squeezing, thighs comparing, belly ribbing and collarbone touching, knowing I lost fat. I want this endless 'you're so tiny!' and 'how did you get so tiny?' remarks back.

I want binge till blood nights, deducting calories from my list back. I want shameful cheats followed by vigorous exercising back. I want cries and shame, exile and blame, on "how I could have let myself go and to catch myself before it's to late" nights back.

I want my worldwide social networking friends back, they ones who understood when I said "purge" and "negative calorie". I want the support they gave, cause I still have support to give.

This is who I was, and though some say it's for the best, I'm at the point where I've let things flow however they go.

Well, I'm done. I need order and control. I need my anorexia and bulimia back.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Contagious feelings

Everyone is a pessimist.

My heart feels heavy as everyone complains about their problems, worries, and anxiety. And I do my best to advise them, comfort them, etc. But it's gotten to the point that I just want to wear a short screaming "If you have an issue, don't tell me!".

Also, everyone seems to be wanting for from me. Drive me here, take me there, give me this, tell him that, do this now, be here then. It's fucking insane. It almost makes me want to be mean, like a cruel bitch.

I'm spring. It's beautiful outside. I expected people to be high off the weather which is warmer than ever. I expected people to be nicer, and less stressed. Or even if they have inescapable problems, the air would let them forget.


People are just more obnoxious than ever. I'm about to give up on them and exile myself for a bit.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm in love

With Lupe Fiasco's album, Lasers.

And his name.

Sunday, March 20, 2011


Is a great morning activity.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Books books books

Today I bought Les Miserables by Victor Hugo today from Barnes & Nobles and I'm crazy happy.

Till I looked at my library account which I've neglected.

I owe them $216.76.

How I survived all this, I steal books from the library.

:3 I'm a rebel.


Predicted weather tmw is supposed to be niceeeeeee.

Research paper in the library at lunch time whooohooo!

-_- goodnight

Iman iise

"Leave me alone".

There's a certain pitch when my moms voice goes from daily anger to pissed the hell off to actually voice quivering.

I made her cry once or twice. But Imani has made her cry 3 or 4 or maybe secretly more. I don't know. But it's not at all a good feeling.

I don't know what to do.

I want to attempt to call my dad but, because of the rarity of me doing so, it's equivalent to her doing something dangerous. And it would make everything a bit more serious.

She's threatened to leave us before. Sometimes she says she'll take only my little brothers. If there was a court case, both of my parents would fight for them.

I don't know about my sisters, but I'd be the last. Besides the fact that I am the oldest, I'm never around anyways. As of junior year, I'm always out doing sports, tutoring, sneaking places, whatever. This adds to playing a lesser role in my family creating a huge gap between, and now with college it's just gonna get worse. I already feel distant, but I'm gonna feel like an alien soon.

But back to my mom. I love her and all that mushy stuff. But besides graduation, I don't ever want to see her cry.

So got called upstairs for dinner to which I did not want to argue with my mom.
But, turns into a huge rant about my sisters (I'm never home so I'm really just "useless") and she seems really depressed. Like there is no goals. She has them but she has to put them on hold for us. She does everything but we treat her harshly. For her to grow up in Somalia and experience obedience toward family elders, then to have her own kids who don't treat her the same, it's quite devastating.

So there was this "kite project" for Abukar and that's what started this whole mess. Apparently they thought this paper kite had to actually fly. Directions stated to only decorate it! So I took over and got it done in 10 mins. What angers me is the fact Iman said she'd do it, but then allegedly threw it at my mom and said she was too busy to do it (though se had 3 days prior and she told my Dad she'd do it an hour before). I mean really? It was 10 mins!

Bet she didn't even read the directions.

Hopefully that cheered up my mom but she still cried more and I hate this guilty feeling.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Open Relationships

Friday night I saw my 1 1/2 hr boyfriend, Alex.

On valentines day, he got a gf. I found out of course through facebook. We promised each other we'd notify the other but sadly, he broke his promise.

So I confronted him, he fessed up, and he just didn't know how to tell me. Of course I wasn't mad or anything.

So this Friday, when we met up, I had no clue of their relationship status. We got into a conversation about who we care about and he said he doesn't feel connected to anyone at his college, so of course- perfect moment for me to ask about the girlfriend ;).

He's still with her. -_-

BUT he doesn't think they'll last long due to her "low maturity level". Fine with me :)

So we remained good all night long, talking for hours and hours. We first went to the baseball field, then to this lane of stores and a movie theater. We went to Borders(looked at books of quotes and religion) , Rue 21 (superrrr cute clothes), Old navy( I made him try on shirts!) and this 5 below store where everything was $5 or below. We stole these one dollar key chains (just for the hell of it) that had the Taurus symbol because we both are taurus :)

Headed back to the car were he gave me an amazing massage and drive him home where he kissed me on the cheek and I talked him out of kissing me on the lips, to which he was very thankful I did. And so I'm i. :)
So what I learned:
1. He hates change(coins).
2. He is very messy with folding clothes.
3. He's good with massages.
4. Dangerous to my car.
5. Safe to be around when in a relationship :)


The matching stolen keychain :)


So this past Saturday I did something rebellious.

My friend Kendall in my AP World History class hosted a party for us and a few other of his friends. And of course as a year long class, we've been together for so long, I really wanted to go. But:
1. I had work from 11:30am to 7:00pm; the party starts at 5:30pm.
2. I didn't have the car.
3. Hosted by a boy.

So. I told my mom the truth.

Just kidding! I told her it was hosted by Nafisa, my Indian friend she met. But everything else was generally the truth. And she was okay with it! My Asian friend Winnie, was going to pick me up from work and drop me off at home. So the plan went through.

It was quite refreshing actually. It was a food party since his mother is a cook, so we ate, played rock band, and talked the night away. No alcohol, no drugs, no sex related influences (besides jokes and that amazing massage train!), all pure. I loved it.

I meet cool people, got closer with classmates and learned things. I really hope I have more of these soon!

Oh except one drag. Dad. He found out by mom after I got there and called me as soon as Winnie picked me up. I ignored it. I knew what he wanted. Again an hour later while I was there. Ignored it for a bit and called him back.

Basically he was mad I didn't tell him. He did drive me to work but we discussed college so I kinda had I good save. Plus I knew he'd say no. So he demanded I go home, I said no, he said soon, I said I'll try.

I got home at 11:30pm.

Next morning: mini lecture and the end.

Not bad. Besides I had alot of refreshing fun :)


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm lost.

I don't know me anymore.

Boys are

Smell nice.

Oh boy.

"You may not graduate"

I spent hours studying for AFM. I failed it junior year and now again in senior hear, I'm failing. So I got a tutor who explained everything to me. She really helps me and everything! Yet when it got to the test, I got a 52. How?

So I wet to see my councilor, finally, and broke down. Unfortunately I can't change the class. In fact if I don't pass, I don't graduate.

But, aha! I've got an option! An escape!

I still have to stay in AFM unfortunately. However I can do independent study! That way I'll be on a college tech path (thanks to apparel classes!) instead of 4 yr college path! Even though I'm accepted by UNCG, it's okay! This time though, I have to learn it by myself.

I figured out and so did my councelors, that I'm an independent learner. And it's true. I tend to zone with when there is people around, and avoid full learner cause it's less intimidating. So at this point it's safe to say, I will graduate and hopefully UNCG will be okay if I still failed.


Friday, March 4, 2011


So apparently it exists.

I got a math tutor because I'm already failing it and I can't fail it again! I'm not focusing 100% as I should. This is why colleges look at your third semester grades. They are full aware of senioritis that hits students that they want to make sure of they let go, they don't completely let go!

Same applies for me in AP world history and AP Psych. I don't take notes and yet I am too lazy to read afterwards. I'm pretty sure I bombed my AP Human Geography test for some reason.

I'm gonna have to hold on a bit and focus a lot harder if I want to remain on the road of the colleges and avoid a "just kidding, you're rejected" letter later!

But one thing that gets me is senioritis' effect on EVERYTHING. I can't perform hobbies and leisure stuff as easily as I used to. I stopped volunteering at the library in November(full year) and I've also quit leisure reading. Tonight, I didn't have work or go out. I planned to make shumshumo yet I napped all day. I was technically was supposed to belabysitting too. I'm horrible.

I don't like this. I'm lazier than ever. I don't do shit. I'm just trying to at this point make it to the weekend without crashing. I get by with sleep deprivation with forceful naps and intense and useless cramming.

A friend, not a teacher/parent/doctor explained cramming sessions with all nighters are pointless. I can't tell you how much that makes sense. I really need to adjust my schedule with sleeping and studying.

- AFM: doesn't really matter much, just learn and understand everything every night
-AP Psych: read ahead to atleast not having to write everything in notes. Start now!!
-Apparel: LOL
-Arabic: Just do the work. On time.

This way I can develop a really good habit for college. I thought learning how to remain alive without sleeping would do the trick but I think I nap so much because I am so sleep deprieved to the point a nap won't but me on track. Accumulatively I need to sleep on proper hours and wake up fine. Even about waking up, its so damn hard! Faiza wakes me up 4-5 times before it's more like "Oh shit."!

I may be a little less cranky and moody as I have been lately.

So with better sleeping patterns, and smarter studying habits, senioritis might go away and I can enjoy my last youthful year in the crazy world of high school.


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Call out before drowned in

In not friends with Nour right now. We're taking a break. My call.

She called me Wednesday night and we argued about how I treat her like a bitch (which actually made me a bit ashamed) and I don't love her. So in the end I realized not everything was her fault, I have personal flaws effecting everyone, and I wasn't completely fair. So I called for a break. I needed time away from her. So now I haven't talked to her since Wednesday and I feel a bit better and I enjoy the time apart. I don't know why, nothing has changed but I like this. For now.

I'm planning to keep this a week to two weeks.

I wonder if she told Mario, he boyfriend/ my other best friend. He hasn't said anything and he keeps worrying about me?

College visitation!!!

So UNCG and ECU are bombarding me with emails and letters requesting me to visit their campus(even though ECU hasn't yet accepted me).

I. Am. Excited.

My dad drove me to work this morning and he was discussing the pros and cons about each school. He clearly has done his research cause he told me how Greensboro (UNCG) was a very urban and large city as opposed to Greensville (ECU) which is a college town. I definitely agree.

But at the end of the day, I've heard so many opinions about both schools, it's only fair to visit them and see how that makes or breaks my decision, eh?

At UNCG I definitely want to visit their JoAnns, the masjid, the night life, the parks, the museum, etc.

I haven't done extensive research yet on ECU in fear of them rejecting me, though they have a 84% acceptance rate...

The Slower, The Sweeter

Last night, I went out with some of my friends. Iman, my sister was doing this movie night with her friends so I decided to go as well.

Well Ibrahim asked me to the movies Wednesday night. Just us, unlike last time! So why not?

So a bunch of confusions of me payin for him, us joining imams group, him bringing his cousin, we ended up: my sister and her two best friends, me, Ibrahim, and my male best friend.

So though I sat next to him at the theaters, and we whispered and giggled and tickled the whole night. At one point he made a plan for me to meet him at the door of our theater to use my phone. Afterward, he gave me hugs and kissed me on my cheek. Go on, say aww!

And that was the height of it :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I have terrible ADD

I started studying at 1030. It's now 143am. I'm only 15% done.

Thanks for the help imagination.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Call it... changes

Southpoint With Nour
Regret. It. Kind of.
Nour and I drove half an hour out to Southpoint mall to do some shopping. However, the whole time she was texting Mario, talking about him, then finally suggested we see him. On our way home it was awkward. My raging feelings are back.

Biphasic Sleep
Its when you sleep twice a day helping your concentration, focus, and productivity. First is around 1-130am till about 6am, then a 90min nap at 6 or 7pm. Sounds perfect to me!

For two weeks?

Oh and sad but...
I just bought my first thong :P

I'm sleepy. Goodnight.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Get Nour: cookie cake, pillow, chain, and chocolate

Sew: pj, jacket, mom, pillow

Plan: jacket, skirt, scraf

School: AP psych, brains, Afm? World vocabulary,

Shopping list

Coincide: schools, gown

Bucket list

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Work work work!!

Over the summer, I'm gonna have to work full time!

I've accepted my okayness in going to UNCG in case ECU rejects me (which inshallah they don't!). Also, I need to start discussing plans to visit these colleges before I accept one, and I know for sure it'll be sometime in April before I choose one in May. Time to bug my dad hardcore.

Also, I really want a car. Pay it off and start going places! Today and last week, I covered a shift for a coworker, and they were from 2:30-7:30. School ends at 2:18. So my friend drove me though she had an appt. Bless her.

Lastly I can't stop daydreaming about college, all the traveling and independence. I talked to my mom and she seems very trusting get worried of me. Good enough :)

So connection of all this to work: if I want to have fun and do the things in my daydreams, I need MONEY!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Oh boy

Alex. The guy who I have a huge crush on. I pretty much would marry this guy if he was Muslim and sadly part of the reason I applied to UNCG, to which I got accepted. Thankfully I have other major reasons, and he was just a bonus.

Random: the group next to me is talking about a girl sitting in front of them loudly and TO THE TEACHER! It's funny :)

Anyways, so this guy has a girlfriend. I guess he asked her out yesterday on Valentines day, cute, and didn't tell me.

We were in an open relationship. Because of our distance, we aren't inclined to each other but we know our limits. We even talked about it, if one of us had a gf/bf. We'd put our friendship first. Which in my opinion is one of the best things one can do to hold on to someone.

So, I'm a little hurt, but it's nothing I can't forget about. Actually it's given me that motivational boost to start fasting and working on my image more. Cause I've kinda just let go. Just a little.

As far as other boys, I'm still annoyed with Ib cause I miss his maturity from when we first met. Today he called me 3 times and told me last that he couldn't stop thinking about me cause I'm "attractive". Then what about my mind?

And another guy Cam, he's a cutie. He makes me silly inside cause he has looks to kill for. He's white but has a gangster swag. But things could never be serious between us. But he's so fine!

Boys, go to hell for distracting me.

My Ear

is clogged. I need Q-Tips.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I eat too damn much.

Last semester, fasting and restricting was simple. To start off, I had no lunch friends to eat with. Except for one who was unintentionally bossy and put me in awkward positions such as leaving (by walking back to school), ten minutes early to meet her boyfriend. This cause me to shove any food down my throat and grab my shit and go. And it was annoying after a while. So the library was heaven for me.

This semester I eat with 3 main girls and a few who join on and off. We have access to a car meaning more fast food places and we're a group meaning majority (who are already hungry) wins. Temptation sucks.

So in order to remain friends and have something to do during the lunch period I go along. This has resulted in two major problems.

I got paid Friday so my spending account rose to $155. Today I checked it and it's $79. I cannot imagine where I spent it all. I know 30 for sewing stuff...
Point being, I spend way too much on food! I'm supposed to be saving this for college and car fiancees. Fuck me. Weekends included, after work, anytime. If I can stop by, I'll buy it. Worst is I don't even think logically and base it off of my hunger. How many times have I thrown away food because I was just too full. Waste. I could save a lot just by not spending.

Before the semester started, I was about 112lbs. Now I'm 116. Yes it could be worst. And yes my butt and boobs got bigger, but so is my waist and thighs. Not too estatic about that. I was walking back too class (chickfila in my hands) and I saw my legs. It's disgusting. My inner thighs aka the hardest fat to lose, were not only touching but were squished. I was slightly disgusted and lost my appetite for a second/ just a second.

off topic: I wonder if guys look at the inner thighs area same as they look at the chest area for a girl. I'd slap a bitch.

I need to figure out a solution.

Money wise. I need to progress slowly in saving. I go off for lunch 5/5 days of the week. I'm going to try for next week to spend only 3/5. The sad part is that our own designated driver hardly buys out. Intact she brings a granola bar or if she feels hungry, buys small fries. Mostly because she's a vegetarian. So it shouldn't be hard for me to mimic her. So I think I'll chose Tuesday's (traditional) Shorties (plus a friend always pays for me teehee), Wednesday Chickila "WOW Wednesdays" (cheaper if student), and Fridays wherever we go. So finically I'll be spending $7-$10 a week. But that's just step one! Also, I'm gonna start bringing my own drink to save a buck or two. :D
Weight wise, I need to start working out. Let me start with once a week. Most applicable days would be Monday's, wednesdays, and thursdays. I think I'll start on Monday though. Now, I should focus on treadmill. 500 cals burned. And 30 ab crunches. Not too difficult. Then I'll progress.

In two or so weeks, I hope to be a little bit skinner, a little bit wealthier, and a little be happier.

Sunday, February 6, 2011



You have no idea how much this means to me! It was my secret first choice! Plus a really great school rejected me so I was already down. This means regardless whoever else accepts/rejects me, IM GOING TO COLLEGE!

Shit now this means my college daydreams are going to become more vivider. oh senioritis!

I told my best friend. She hates talking about college cause she doesn't want to see me leave cause she's not applying for far from her house, unlike me who's ready to jet! But she reacted amazingly like a best friend :)

AHH COLLEGE! 2 down, 4 to go!

What a week.

So many things have gone wrong this week alone. I'm glad it's over but im dreading next week.

I'm very family oriented. I think it's important to have a huge family and stick around as long as you can. But lately, I've been as far away as possible. On my days off, I go out. If I don't go out, I stick myself in my room and don't come out. Every time I get out of my room, I just regret it because I'm stuck in a hour long lecture, have to do chores, or get in a argument with my mom. So it's better to stay in my room as ling as possible. Another thing is my dad. Over the years he works from before I get home from school till after I go to bed. So I actually see him on Sunday's and Monday's which are his days off, and Saturday's before he leaves. Unlike most cases, this doesn't phase me. I briefly talk to him and we mostly talk about my grades. My mom even said he needs to get to know his daughters personalities. Which is extremely true. If I told him a joke, that could possibly offend something, he'd be shocked. Of I gave him a hug, he'd be suspicious all week. Therefore, I don't bother. So lately due to work, and school, and my alieness, I've been talking to him less. This morning before work, I briefly told him hi, and he got mad I woke up late, ending with "bye, I'll call when I get to work", to which my sister picked up. So I'm very distant at this point from my family, and it's quite heartbreaking.

There was a death at my school. It was one of those surreal things that no one expects to happen to them. She was a senior, a daughter, a girlfriend, the enviormental president, and a friend to everyone. Now she's gone due to heart failure which was very sudden and shocking. The person j keep focusing on that might just miss her and can't believe her death is her boyfriend. Hes in my class so I'll see him everyday. They were together for 9+ months and I'm sure it's gonna be tragic. My school is hosting a talent show in her name, donations, and a tree planted. RIP Katie. I hope everyone is fine.

Best friend
I got a epiphany thinking she didn't care too much about me and my thoughts and my dreams. She realized her mistake and we are still really good friends. I don't want to get in depth with it really, besides the fact I was really going to consider giving up on her once and for all.

Oh, Alex.
This guy. He can send me mixed messages like no one else! He texts me "Hey." and I feel like he's upset or not willing to talk, and he won't even reply sometimes! Yet as soon as I skype him or call him, I can't help but fall a little a bit in live with him.

This guy pisses me off. I used to like him, got over him, now he likes me. He does the obvious teasing and bugging like every big with a crush. But he's slightly is immature and he kinda keeps pissing me off.

New lunch crew includes a car to fatty fast food places. So I've gained maybe 3 lbs, I'm afraid of the scale, and I'm not into it. I don't know what to do.

So exhausted.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Disappointed a tad.

I didn't get into NC State. My 4th choice out of 6.

I'm going through a friendship crisis. And school.

Blog when I actually have time, say Thursday night?

Sleep tight!

Thursday, January 27, 2011


I got into Arabic!

But I'm keeping journalism... Dundundunnnnnnnnn

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Welcome to Arabic too?

Every senior is anticipating the college years ahead of them and to prepare, they take really easy classes. I can't function that way.

This semester my classes are AFM (math that I failed my junior year), AP Psych, AP World History and Constructive Clothing & Design honors. Online I'm taking Journalism.

I wanted to do journalism because of the fact I am not the best free hand writer in my opinion. I can manage to do average but I would like to improve it. Today was my first day of actually logging in and starting and it seemed pretty easy. I realized we were gonna discuss alot about blogs, how to write to get peoples attentions and so on. I even completed two of the 5 projects due by Friday which were mainly introductions!

But there's a class I'm yearning to take even more. It's Arabic! I'm Somali and our first language is Somali but our second is Arabic. Many moons ago I knew the language and I partially know it now. However, I am in love with the Arab culture and language and like the rest of my family, I want to be fluent. So I emailed my student advisor and she got me in enrollment!

That's calligraphic Arabic!

I'm so excited to finally be able to learn the language and I'm sure most of it will be review for the first couple of weeks but I need it!

But there's one issue! I kinda... like journalism. I did it for improvement and what not but I really am hooked by what we are gonna end up learning. It seems beneficial yet easy.

So what if I took two online courses on top of my two AP and honor class? Not to mention my "social" life?

Oh well, email has already been sent :D

Welcome to Journalism


Okay I am the queen of starting a blog, abandoning it, and coming back for it. Then making another. It's a cycle.

My goal is not to do the same for this one. I just need somewhere to write things I think. I would like an audience but not my priority.

Theme. Okay I noticed most blogs have a theme. I should just establish a theme shouldn't I? Hm, this was mostly for college but the semester before sounds like a good place to start, I think.

Welcome to my life of pre college as of now and my jumbled mess!

Location:Wyatts Pond Ln,Cary,United States