Call out before drowned in

In not friends with Nour right now. We're taking a break. My call.

She called me Wednesday night and we argued about how I treat her like a bitch (which actually made me a bit ashamed) and I don't love her. So in the end I realized not everything was her fault, I have personal flaws effecting everyone, and I wasn't completely fair. So I called for a break. I needed time away from her. So now I haven't talked to her since Wednesday and I feel a bit better and I enjoy the time apart. I don't know why, nothing has changed but I like this. For now.

I'm planning to keep this a week to two weeks.

I wonder if she told Mario, he boyfriend/ my other best friend. He hasn't said anything and he keeps worrying about me?

College visitation!!!

So UNCG and ECU are bombarding me with emails and letters requesting me to visit their campus(even though ECU hasn't yet accepted me).

I. Am. Excited.

My dad drove me to work this morning and he was discussing the pros and cons about each school. He clearly has done his research cause he told me how Greensboro (UNCG) was a very urban and large city as opposed to Greensville (ECU) which is a college town. I definitely agree.

But at the end of the day, I've heard so many opinions about both schools, it's only fair to visit them and see how that makes or breaks my decision, eh?

At UNCG I definitely want to visit their JoAnns, the masjid, the night life, the parks, the museum, etc.

I haven't done extensive research yet on ECU in fear of them rejecting me, though they have a 84% acceptance rate...

The Slower, The Sweeter

Last night, I went out with some of my friends. Iman, my sister was doing this movie night with her friends so I decided to go as well.

Well Ibrahim asked me to the movies Wednesday night. Just us, unlike last time! So why not?

So a bunch of confusions of me payin for him, us joining imams group, him bringing his cousin, we ended up: my sister and her two best friends, me, Ibrahim, and my male best friend.

So though I sat next to him at the theaters, and we whispered and giggled and tickled the whole night. At one point he made a plan for me to meet him at the door of our theater to use my phone. Afterward, he gave me hugs and kissed me on my cheek. Go on, say aww!

And that was the height of it :)

I have terrible ADD

I started studying at 1030. It's now 143am. I'm only 15% done.


Thanks for the help imagination.

Call it... changes

Southpoint With Nour
Regret. It. Kind of.
Nour and I drove half an hour out to Southpoint mall to do some shopping. However, the whole time she was texting Mario, talking about him, then finally suggested we see him. On our way home it was awkward. My raging feelings are back.

Biphasic Sleep
Its when you sleep twice a day helping your concentration, focus, and productivity. First is around 1-130am till about 6am, then a 90min nap at 6 or 7pm. Sounds perfect to me!

Vegetarian
For two weeks?

Oh and sad but...
I just bought my first thong :P


I'm sleepy. Goodnight.

Random

Get Nour: cookie cake, pillow, chain, and chocolate

Sew: pj, jacket, mom, pillow

Plan: jacket, skirt, scraf

School: AP psych, brains, Afm? World vocabulary,

Shopping list

Coincide: schools, gown

Bucket list

Work work work!!

Over the summer, I'm gonna have to work full time!

I've accepted my okayness in going to UNCG in case ECU rejects me (which inshallah they don't!). Also, I need to start discussing plans to visit these colleges before I accept one, and I know for sure it'll be sometime in April before I choose one in May. Time to bug my dad hardcore.

Also, I really want a car. Pay it off and start going places! Today and last week, I covered a shift for a coworker, and they were from 2:30-7:30. School ends at 2:18. So my friend drove me though she had an appt. Bless her.

Lastly I can't stop daydreaming about college, all the traveling and independence. I talked to my mom and she seems very trusting get worried of me. Good enough :)

So connection of all this to work: if I want to have fun and do the things in my daydreams, I need MONEY!

Oh boy

Alex. The guy who I have a huge crush on. I pretty much would marry this guy if he was Muslim and sadly part of the reason I applied to UNCG, to which I got accepted. Thankfully I have other major reasons, and he was just a bonus.

Random: the group next to me is talking about a girl sitting in front of them loudly and TO THE TEACHER! It's funny :)

Anyways, so this guy has a girlfriend. I guess he asked her out yesterday on Valentines day, cute, and didn't tell me.

We were in an open relationship. Because of our distance, we aren't inclined to each other but we know our limits. We even talked about it, if one of us had a gf/bf. We'd put our friendship first. Which in my opinion is one of the best things one can do to hold on to someone.

So, I'm a little hurt, but it's nothing I can't forget about. Actually it's given me that motivational boost to start fasting and working on my image more. Cause I've kinda just let go. Just a little.

As far as other boys, I'm still annoyed with Ib cause I miss his maturity from when we first met. Today he called me 3 times and told me last that he couldn't stop thinking about me cause I'm "attractive". Then what about my mind?

And another guy Cam, he's a cutie. He makes me silly inside cause he has looks to kill for. He's white but has a gangster swag. But things could never be serious between us. But he's so fine!








Boys, go to hell for distracting me.

My Ear

is clogged. I need Q-Tips.

I eat too damn much.

Last semester, fasting and restricting was simple. To start off, I had no lunch friends to eat with. Except for one who was unintentionally bossy and put me in awkward positions such as leaving (by walking back to school), ten minutes early to meet her boyfriend. This cause me to shove any food down my throat and grab my shit and go. And it was annoying after a while. So the library was heaven for me.

This semester I eat with 3 main girls and a few who join on and off. We have access to a car meaning more fast food places and we're a group meaning majority (who are already hungry) wins. Temptation sucks.

So in order to remain friends and have something to do during the lunch period I go along. This has resulted in two major problems.

Money.
I got paid Friday so my spending account rose to $155. Today I checked it and it's $79. I cannot imagine where I spent it all. I know 30 for sewing stuff...
Point being, I spend way too much on food! I'm supposed to be saving this for college and car fiancees. Fuck me. Weekends included, after work, anytime. If I can stop by, I'll buy it. Worst is I don't even think logically and base it off of my hunger. How many times have I thrown away food because I was just too full. Waste. I could save a lot just by not spending.

Weight.
Before the semester started, I was about 112lbs. Now I'm 116. Yes it could be worst. And yes my butt and boobs got bigger, but so is my waist and thighs. Not too estatic about that. I was walking back too class (chickfila in my hands) and I saw my legs. It's disgusting. My inner thighs aka the hardest fat to lose, were not only touching but were squished. I was slightly disgusted and lost my appetite for a second/ just a second.

off topic: I wonder if guys look at the inner thighs area same as they look at the chest area for a girl. I'd slap a bitch.

I need to figure out a solution.

Solution
Money wise. I need to progress slowly in saving. I go off for lunch 5/5 days of the week. I'm going to try for next week to spend only 3/5. The sad part is that our own designated driver hardly buys out. Intact she brings a granola bar or if she feels hungry, buys small fries. Mostly because she's a vegetarian. So it shouldn't be hard for me to mimic her. So I think I'll chose Tuesday's (traditional) Shorties (plus a friend always pays for me teehee), Wednesday Chickila "WOW Wednesdays" (cheaper if student), and Fridays wherever we go. So finically I'll be spending $7-$10 a week. But that's just step one! Also, I'm gonna start bringing my own drink to save a buck or two. :D
Weight wise, I need to start working out. Let me start with once a week. Most applicable days would be Monday's, wednesdays, and thursdays. I think I'll start on Monday though. Now, I should focus on treadmill. 500 cals burned. And 30 ab crunches. Not too difficult. Then I'll progress.

In two or so weeks, I hope to be a little bit skinner, a little bit wealthier, and a little be happier.

IM GOING TO COLLEGE!

I GOT INTO UNCG!!!

You have no idea how much this means to me! It was my secret first choice! Plus a really great school rejected me so I was already down. This means regardless whoever else accepts/rejects me, IM GOING TO COLLEGE!

Shit now this means my college daydreams are going to become more vivider. oh senioritis!

I told my best friend. She hates talking about college cause she doesn't want to see me leave cause she's not applying for far from her house, unlike me who's ready to jet! But she reacted amazingly like a best friend :)

AHH COLLEGE! 2 down, 4 to go!

What a week.

So many things have gone wrong this week alone. I'm glad it's over but im dreading next week.

Family
I'm very family oriented. I think it's important to have a huge family and stick around as long as you can. But lately, I've been as far away as possible. On my days off, I go out. If I don't go out, I stick myself in my room and don't come out. Every time I get out of my room, I just regret it because I'm stuck in a hour long lecture, have to do chores, or get in a argument with my mom. So it's better to stay in my room as ling as possible. Another thing is my dad. Over the years he works from before I get home from school till after I go to bed. So I actually see him on Sunday's and Monday's which are his days off, and Saturday's before he leaves. Unlike most cases, this doesn't phase me. I briefly talk to him and we mostly talk about my grades. My mom even said he needs to get to know his daughters personalities. Which is extremely true. If I told him a joke, that could possibly offend something, he'd be shocked. Of I gave him a hug, he'd be suspicious all week. Therefore, I don't bother. So lately due to work, and school, and my alieness, I've been talking to him less. This morning before work, I briefly told him hi, and he got mad I woke up late, ending with "bye, I'll call when I get to work", to which my sister picked up. So I'm very distant at this point from my family, and it's quite heartbreaking.

Death
There was a death at my school. It was one of those surreal things that no one expects to happen to them. She was a senior, a daughter, a girlfriend, the enviormental president, and a friend to everyone. Now she's gone due to heart failure which was very sudden and shocking. The person j keep focusing on that might just miss her and can't believe her death is her boyfriend. Hes in my class so I'll see him everyday. They were together for 9+ months and I'm sure it's gonna be tragic. My school is hosting a talent show in her name, donations, and a tree planted. RIP Katie. I hope everyone is fine.

Best friend
I got a epiphany thinking she didn't care too much about me and my thoughts and my dreams. She realized her mistake and we are still really good friends. I don't want to get in depth with it really, besides the fact I was really going to consider giving up on her once and for all.

Oh, Alex.
This guy. He can send me mixed messages like no one else! He texts me "Hey." and I feel like he's upset or not willing to talk, and he won't even reply sometimes! Yet as soon as I skype him or call him, I can't help but fall a little a bit in live with him.

Ibrahim
This guy pisses me off. I used to like him, got over him, now he likes me. He does the obvious teasing and bugging like every big with a crush. But he's slightly is immature and he kinda keeps pissing me off.

Weight.
New lunch crew includes a car to fatty fast food places. So I've gained maybe 3 lbs, I'm afraid of the scale, and I'm not into it. I don't know what to do.







So exhausted.

Disappointed a tad.

I didn't get into NC State. My 4th choice out of 6.

I'm going through a friendship crisis. And school.

Blog when I actually have time, say Thursday night?

Sleep tight!