"Leave me alone".
There's a certain pitch when my moms voice goes from daily anger to pissed the hell off to actually voice quivering.
I made her cry once or twice. But Imani has made her cry 3 or 4 or maybe secretly more. I don't know. But it's not at all a good feeling.
I don't know what to do.
I want to attempt to call my dad but, because of the rarity of me doing so, it's equivalent to her doing something dangerous. And it would make everything a bit more serious.
She's threatened to leave us before. Sometimes she says she'll take only my little brothers. If there was a court case, both of my parents would fight for them.
I don't know about my sisters, but I'd be the last. Besides the fact that I am the oldest, I'm never around anyways. As of junior year, I'm always out doing sports, tutoring, sneaking places, whatever. This adds to playing a lesser role in my family creating a huge gap between, and now with college it's just gonna get worse. I already feel distant, but I'm gonna feel like an alien soon.
But back to my mom. I love her and all that mushy stuff. But besides graduation, I don't ever want to see her cry.
So got called upstairs for dinner to which I did not want to argue with my mom.
But, turns into a huge rant about my sisters (I'm never home so I'm really just "useless") and she seems really depressed. Like there is no goals. She has them but she has to put them on hold for us. She does everything but we treat her harshly. For her to grow up in Somalia and experience obedience toward family elders, then to have her own kids who don't treat her the same, it's quite devastating.
So there was this "kite project" for Abukar and that's what started this whole mess. Apparently they thought this paper kite had to actually fly. Directions stated to only decorate it! So I took over and got it done in 10 mins. What angers me is the fact Iman said she'd do it, but then allegedly threw it at my mom and said she was too busy to do it (though se had 3 days prior and she told my Dad she'd do it an hour before). I mean really? It was 10 mins!
Bet she didn't even read the directions.
Hopefully that cheered up my mom but she still cried more and I hate this guilty feeling.