Saturday, May 29, 2010

Insecurites/Flaws list 1-10 & Wedding

I have plenty.

  1. I don't like my hair. It's too short and not enough I can do with it. Its been experimented on and messed up. Also, I don't have the natural Somali hair. Its like if you're Mexican, but you have African American hair. Somali hair is different than mines.
  2. I can't be agressive, for the fear that people might take advantage of me. If I don't like something, I leave it, I don't fight it. So sometimes it gets on my nerves requiring me to leave for my sanity, does that mean they took power over me?
  3. As I mentioned why I don't ask for advice as much or fish for compliments two posts ago, I fear that people may really not have a reason to reassure or compliment me. I could really be stupid, ugly, and selfish, but no one will tell me this. 
  4. I'm afraid that I have good ideas, but I never complete them. Countless, infinity times has this happened. I'd be a genius if I could.
  5. I'm too much of a procrastinator. I hate this. I do it, but not enough time to perfect it.
  6. I cover up insecurity with occasional cockiness. I got called cocky twice in one day. And I'm not. If you call me pretty, I'll say thanks. If you call me outgoing, I'll say "you know it." If you say "The moca frapp is finer then you" I'll get defensive and be like "bitch please". I'm careful of what I'm cocky about. Sadly, its only things that are true.
  7. I have stretch marks like mothers on my hip bone area. It's disgusting because its dark lines instead of light. I don't know what that means. I'm afraid of bathing suits and bare midriff shirts because of this.
  8. I'm a good liar. Handy when I lie about my feelings. I don't need to explain to everyone why I'm sad. Or why I am printing pictures of girls with bare limbs. Or why I haven't answered my phone.
  9. I'm verbally challenged when I'm put on the spot. Especially when it comes to feelings.I can't say how I feel, I can just see it, and feel it.
  10. I'm always tempted to bite my nails, and eventually I do. Bye, bye long nails.  
                             Tonight is the wedding.                                

I'm nervous.

My aunt which I hate, she's 32, and by Somali culture, you're usually expected to marry young (Oh, Somali), bought her friend (who was nice) and she basically straightened my hair. I wanted to go get it professionally done, because my hair is damaged. And I could straighten it at home. But thankfully it turned out okay, once I made her fix it because it looked like a boy cut. Now the insides are still not straightened and poofy (because she didn't want to burn my roots) and my aunt was rushing her. Took total of 15 mins.
My dress is ready. I sewed it last night, as well as my sister's and my mom's. Now my mom's friend came by and I did her's as well.

My mom felt sympathic because she promised to take me to the salon to get my hair done and some lady quickly did it, and also my mom's friend was going to pay me to do her dress but since she helped out my mom said she didn't have to, soo in return my mom offered me $40. I wanted to cry.Why do you need to give me money?
I refused it.
She insisted.
I debated.
We compromised.
She said we can go to the salon another day. School's almost over so there's no point. And I have no need for the $20 so I'm going to save it and give it to her on a rainy day.

The dress I made for my mom, which she decided to wear another I messed up on.
Me :)

First one is the back, second is the front sides of the dress.

1 comment:

  1. Save the money. Start adding it up, and when you reach a major goal (like target weight, language, etc.) then spend it on yourself as a reward. You worked hard for the money when it came to making those dresses ♥

    You're the sort of person I love working with as a client. I have a woman who you sound a lot like, and recently, I've started to push her more and more beyond her regular limits and perceived boundaries. She looked at me the other day and said, "...I'm awesome." And it wasn't like, the joking way. It was serious. She finally believed it. I was so proud of her.
    It's amazing how much you can change a person's world and their perspective by showing them how much they can survive in the physical arena of their bodies. She's killer strong despite being overweight, and can beat most of the people there at working out. She just needs to learn to utilize her power and confidence more. And I think you're very, very, very much the same way.

    Especially if you can speak even a lick of Arabic. That shit's INSANE. I can barely say two words in Spanish, and can call someone's mom a pig (or say "I am a pizza" and various curse words) in French....LOL

    The dress looks beautiful. I'd like to see more pics of it!